A simple phrase laying claim to anything and everything. From the last slice of pizza to the P1 controller on the XBOX, if you’re a Red Blooded American Male you gotta respect the Dibs. There’s only one time where there is ever any disagreement between bros and a dibs call; that’s of course, when it involves women.
This is by no means to say that a man can lay claim to a woman or any other such rape-y bullshit as that. However when you and 3 of your friends all want to go hit on the same girl at the bar and 2 out of her 3 friends are hideously ugly, there needs to be some organization involved. I’d imagine you ladies have your own such code but I don’t presume to know.
Calling Dibs on a girl is an intricate set of rules that needs to cover a variety of use cases, however I think here within we may have finally been able to clarify the rules on calling “Dibs” on the hot friend and other such situations.
Number of Dibs
You can’t have Dibs on more than 3 women at a time. The logic behind this is simple. You can’t be sleeping with more than one girl a day (and if you are you clearly don’t need to be calling dibs) and if you’re trying to juggle 7 girls in your life, you want to have the majority of them be steady fixtures in your rotation. 3 Dibs calls gives you enough wiggle room for some options, but doesn’t allow Bros to claim everything above a 6 as their own.
How long do Dibs last? It varies depending on your situation. A ton of factors can be at play here; your age, your current relationship status, your current hookup roster and more all affected the answers of the dozens of Bros I surveyed.
If You’re Under 21:
Dibs last 3 -7 days. You get 1 weekend to make your move or move on. Your in college bro, there’s literally 20,000 other fish in the sea.
Virginity: Bro if you’re still a virgin, we’re alllll trying to get you laid. You get dibs for 60 days on anyone you want. If you can’t make something work in 60 days of college parties, chances are we’re saving you from yourself if you’re still trying.
Long Term Relationship Guy: We respect and salute the guy who locked down the true girl-next-door-high-school sweetheart. We’re also not naïve enough to think that anyone, guy or girl, locked it down at 16 and never strayed, so with that in mind, relationship guys get 45 days due to their lack of ability to socialize.
Dibs last 6 weeks. That gives you 2 weekends to make an impression, 2 weekends to work a little and 2 weekends to make something worthwhile out of it or move on. Bros respect the hustle, and entry level corporate life and bartender nightlife both sometimes mean only being able to go out on a limited basis. 6 weeks is 5 more weeks then you got in college and you’re not that old yet dude.
Virginity: Bro if you’re STILL a virgin, I feel for you. Assuming there’s no religious reason behind it, then having not been laid by 25 is sort of a tough go of it. 12 weeks for you to work should be plenty of time. If you haven’t closed in 3 months, you really should’ve probably moved on 2 months earlier, and we’re trying to save you from yourself here. Someone else is going to end up with that girl, might as well let someone else in the squad have a shot at being that guy cause it ain’t you.
Married Guy: By your 20s we’ve all got a friend or two who’s married or at least talking about it. Being handcuffed in your 20s is weird time because you’re in your prime, but you also wouldn’t be tying yourself down unless you truly thought she was the one. Then again it’s always good to make sure you’ve still got game so calling dibs on the bartender is cool but your window is short 2 weeks, cause you never come out anyway so chances are you’re just spitting game for show and not to close. If you don’t make a move in 4 weeks, we know that you were never really ‘bout it anyway.
You’re a savvy veteran, but you move slower than you did in your prime. You get 4 weeks to make a move which is based on two lines of thinking: 1) If she’s so fine you’re calling dibs in your 30s, it’s gonna take you a little while, but 2) if she’s so fine we’re arguing over dibs in our 30s, I’m only giving you a LITTLE while, before making a move myself.
Virginity: Come on dude, really? If you’re 33 and a virgin, you forfeited the right of Dibs awhile ago. We’ll let you get first crack at the cute friend, but there’s no chance your self confidence is possibly in a place worth letting you blow it for the whole squad. #SorryImNotSorry.
Married Guy: If you’re 30, married and out with us trying to pick up girls. Chances are something about your marriage isn’t going well, and as your bro I’m here for you if you need something. If that something includes the blonde at the end of the bar? You’ve got 3 days. I know that seems short but listen, I’m not trying to see you ruin your marriage. A one-night fun-night here and there is one thing; but I’m not going to encourage you to have a running affair on your wife.
Traveller Guy: By this age you have that friend who’s always traveling for one reason or another and having flings with girls in countries you’ve never heard of. THAT GUY. Yeah, he gets no Dibs. Sorry dude, after you just told me about the Russian flight attendant you just slayed last week, you’ve got last pick at the Pub down the street.
If you’re 35 years old and calling dibs on a girl you should probably get your shit together. Chances are 80% of us are in some sort of committed relationship, and if there’s ever a night when we ALL say fuck it, let’s just not tell the wives about this night, chances are we’re not arguing over who’s got Dibs. If you are, you’re a douchebag and I don’t mind letting you have Dibs because you’ll strike out the minute you lead with, “Ayo you with the fat ass” so no one is all that concerned about it.
Some Rules That Always Apply:
–If You Know Her Prior to the Call: you get Dibs. But you also have the responsibility of introducing us to some friends and putting in a word. You also have half the amount of allotted time, consider you should have a head start.
–If You Have a Dibs Call on her Friend: You cannot call Dibs. If you’ve got Dibs on her friend, why are you blocking? If you call Dibs and it comes up later that she’s a friend of a previous call, you should immediately start to work your friendship angle and make an assist.
–The More “Dibs” You Call: The less the squad should respect your call. If you’re always trying to find a loophole, then you’re not following the code, and if you’re not gonna follow the code, Fuck your Dibs.
Think there’s something we missed? Probably, this is only the opinion of a handful of bros. Let us know what we missed, and what other topics you’d like a Bropinion on.